21st Century Futility

What is this feeling?
My mind going haywire.
The music resonates
And my brain vibrates.
A neon glow, a blurry haze.
Acquaintances drift around
Pretending to be normal.
Let us embrace the abstractness
And form a gyre
Which blows away houses.
Violence.
Love.
Melancholia.
I did not expect this.

Musings during jamming

Smoke rising
Guitar strumming
Bass pumping.
I can't but I must.
Beats on eardrum
Teardrop on plectrum
Fearless on my breath
Skin, Touch, Emotion
Makes me brighter.
Fearless on my breath.

Circle of Fiction

http://caffeinatedbook.tumblr.com/post/126581423519/circle-of-fiction

Mid-Party Musings

http://caffeinatedbook.tumblr.com/post/126264422689/mid-party-musings

Aporia

It was a cool winter evening. He sat alone on the bench in a garden. He was wearing a black t-shirt, jeans and a vintage waistcoat with a shawl wrapped around his neck. He sat smoking cigarettes; exhaling all his sorrows with the smoke. It was already the 6^th day since the New Year began. He found it funny how the people from all his previous years ceased to be a part of his life in the New Year. That’s the thing with regrets. They collect like old friends. He flicked the ash on the grass and saw it gyrate as it fell down; spinning out of control and falling limply. He took another drag of his cigarette and thought about nothing. Is it even possible to not think of absolutely nothing? The human brain works in mysterious ways. He couldn’t think of anything worse than growing old. He was only good at being young. He could hear himself growing older and that scared him. He sometimes got lonely; but only around people. What he really wanted was for someone to understand but they usually don’t. He thought to himself, “I will have literature, poetry, art, music and adventure in my life. And love. Love above all.” Unfortunately he was also scared of loving someone. Maybe it wasn’t meant for him. He felt a strange sensation in his soul when he thought he loved someone. That feeling usually led to a formation of a void within him. It grew bigger and bigger as he got closer and closer to people. It was a bit ironic in a way. Maybe that’s what his problem was. He was petrified of love and to think of the fact that his life would come to a standstill when that love was gone. What is lost is lost forever. No one can fill that empty space, that empty gap, because each one is made up of such specific details. It is said that one cannot find peace by ignoring life. What if he was contempt with loneliness and did in fact find peace by ignoring life and being on his own? He found the idea of being complete with someone to be evil. Why couldn’t someone be happy all by themselves? He lit another cigarette unconsciously and began to think about deep philosophical questions. What is the meaning of life? He didn’t want to set himself on fire in order to keep others warm and to illuminate their lives. He had stopped that long ago. That was one thing which he learned over the years. What he needed the most was a shoulder to lean on; someone to listen all that he felt. Not a romantic partner per se, but anyone who would understand his dustiest and darkest corners of his soul. Sky began to darken. The night fell silently. It was time to pack all his thoughts and head home.